The Most Concerning Statistic for Youth Sports Parents
The more money you spend, the less your young athlete enjoys their sport.
Let that sink for a moment.
And honestly, you don’t need to read anything else that follows. If you arrived here wondering what the statistics were, now you know. This isn’t a guess or a hunch either. It’s the result of a study conducted by researcher Travis Dorsch and the team he leads at Utah State University that investigates how spending on sports affects families. The results clearly show that as spending increases, the young athlete’s enjoyment of sport decreases.
How is this possible? Why should this concern us as parents and as Christians? Finally, what should we do about it moving forward?
Disclaimers: Before we address those questions, there are some things worth noting. First, youth sports conversations are filled with nuance and complexity. And while it’s intellectually lazy to say money is the root of all youth sports problems, we can’t ignore that it’s a massive issue. Second, it’s easy to throw out phrases like “herd mentality” when describing how we (as parents) make decisions in this space and dismiss the very real pressure we face to do what we think is best for our kids. The pressure is real as we wrestle with making the right choices, the right spending, the right teams, the right opportunities, and the right counter-cultural moves—all the while living in a system where recruiting creeps down into middle school (if not sooner).
Many of us are just doing the best we can.
What it means
How is it possible that there is an inverse relationship between the money we spend on our kids’ athletic experience and their actual enjoyment of it? Linda Flanagan, author of Take Back the Game, suggests that kids feel increased pressure as the bills for leagues/equipment/entrance fees/travel pile up. They see us sacrificing our time, energy, and, sometimes, retirement accounts and it creates performance expectations. Pro athletes may eat pressure for breakfast, but despite “elite” training and opportunities, kids are still kids.
And pressure often eats them for breakfast.
Parents, our kids feel the weight of expectations (communicated or uncommunicated) through our wallets. As we continue to pay up so our children can play up, most kids understand there is more at stake than simply playing a game for the joy of playing it. There is something on the line, even if they don’t fully understand what it is yet.
Heck, I felt this pressure of wanting to make my parents happy as a college athlete. My parents would drive from Michigan to North Carolina to watch me race. And when I raced poorly, it felt like I let them down. Now, they never communicated that, and I knew that their love for me transcended anything I would or could ever do on the track, but all kids want to make their parents proud. This is especially true when you know what sacrifices they’ve made to allow you to compete.
If I felt this weight as a 22-year-old, what must it feel like at 12 years old to know that mom and dad are spending money they often don’t have and traveling across state lines for the next national tournament? Whether we want to admit it or not, the money we spend often creates performance anxiety for our young athletes.
Why it should concern us
Here are a few more statistics that help frame why our youth sports spending habits should concern us.
In a 2014 study at George Washington University, 9 out of 10 kids expressed that fun is the reason they play sports. Whatever reasons we have as adults for them playing, 90% of kids simply just want to have fun.
The Aspen Institute estimated U.S. families spend $30 to $40 billion annually on their children’s sports activities. The projected numbers in 2025 and beyond estimate that the youth sports industry will only grow. As Mark Hyman said, “There has never been a better time to start a business selling sports to children and their parents.”
70% of young athletes are quitting sports before the age of 13, in large part because sports are no longer fun. Think about what this means. Before most kids even hit puberty, they bow out of sports. Before they even have a chance to play with a mature body and maturing mind, they decide enough is enough. Why? Because sports are no longer fun.
Linda Flanagan comments on this unfortunate reality:
“Whether intentionally or not, commercial entities who profit off youth sports are selling the rest of us a story about what kids need—and it’s always new, more, better. Children’s developmental needs are absent from that narrative. So, too, is the effect of these expenditures on how kids feel about sports and how they play.”
Parents, we’re being sold a lie.
We’re being told that the more money we pump into our kid’s athletic experience, the better off they will be. And the statistics couldn’t be more clear: It’s not working. It’s actually having the opposite effect!
1. Our kids want to enjoy sports.
2. We follow the herd mentality and pump money into the system.
3. Our young athletes feel increased pressure because money and travel put professional-level expectations on them.
4. They can’t handle the pressure (because they’re kids!) and they quit before they have even sniffed their true athletic potential.
What should we do about it?
What if, in our pursuit to help our kid be the best possible athletic version of themselves, we are contributing to a system that’s more likely going to lead to joyless play and them hanging up their cleats because of pressure from us? As Christians trying to live faithfully in a sports system marred by sin and brokenness, how do we course correct?
The obvious answer is to be wary of the items that add weight to their emotional backpack.
Again, the money, travel, and equipment all create pressure—even if they’re disguised, at times, as opportunities. But even if we decide not to cut back, there are still good options available to help our young athletes enjoy sports.
We could write an entire book on this (wink, wink). But here are three ideas for us to consider as strangers living in a foreign land.
Check Our Own Expectations
Many of us who invest significantly into our kids’ youth sports experience do so with the expectation that they would _________. You can fill in the blank. What are you hoping your kid gets out of their involvement on this team or in this league? If it’s just that they would have fun, does your child know that because you have communicated it with them?
If your answer is something beyond fun and enjoyment of the game, how do you react when they fall short of that expectation? Do you respond, both in words and body language, in a way that shows frustration and disappointment in them or do you embody the fruit of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control)?
It’s obviously easy to put this all in binary categories as if you are either in the fun/enjoyment camp or the expectations/pressure camp. But which side do you lean toward and would your young athlete (or your spouse) agree with that assessment?
Communicate Front-End Grace
What do I mean by “front-end” grace? It’s the idea that before our kids step out of the car to compete in whatever league we’ve signed up for, we remind them of truths that will not change based on how they perform that day.
“I love you and nothing that happens today will change that.”
“I enjoy watching you play. Win or lose, I’m just happy to be in the stands.”
“Try to have some fun out there today. If you ever feel like there is too much pressure from a coach or even me, just know that I am in your corner and you can talk to me.”
Front-end grace anticipates that our kids feel pressure to perform because of our investment and it confronts a belief system that claims “Mom and Dad have a lot invested in me so I better not let them down.”
Our kids might not have the maturity and the language to say that. But the statistics seem to show that’s how they feel.
Watch Silently
This is an exercise I’ve tried a few times and I am continually shocked by how effective it is in helping me see and hear the pressure our kids are under as they “play.” Try it. Just sit in the stands and watch…and listen to what everyone is saying.
“SHOOT”
“PASS! PASS!”
“GO! GO! GO!”
“GET IT!”
Take inventory of the phrases that are shouted and the chaos that surrounds the game. Put yourself in your kid’s shoes and imagine how all of this energy would land on you as a young kid. This isn’t to judge others but to hold a mirror to ourselves because we are often a part of the chaos from the crowd. Even with the best of intentions, our words and tone can communicate that our young athletes are falling short of our expectations.
Watching my kids play as I sit in silence from time to time has changed the way I cheer—hopefully for the better.
Parents, the youth sports model is not working as intended. Kids are burned out and quitting. We’re exhausted and often the creators of chaos from the stands. And we’re all hoping that being the best will fix everything.
Let’s course correct and release the pressure before our kids retire from the sport and miss out on the beauty, joy, friendships—and everything else good that comes from playing a game.
Ps. If you found any of this helpful, check out Away Game: A Christian Parent’s Guide to Navigating Youth Sports.
