Your players want a lot of things. The nicest uniforms with the best color combos. Job recommendations and internships to set up their future. Playing time, scholarships, and now, even endorsements.

But deeper than those, they crave one thing. It is what we are all wired for: Love.

Your players want to be seen, known, cared for, and loved by their leader. And I would argue that for them to reach their highest potential on your team, they need this. “Perfect love cast out fear” (1 John 4:18). Do you want your student playing with fear, afraid of how you will respond? Or do you want them to be freed up to play with peace and an unwavering certainty that you will always have their back?

Before beginning my career as a college coach, I met with my mentor who had coached at a high level and been involved in sports ministry for 30 plus years. Here is what he told me:

“I under-related to those who under-performed.” 

I echo those words even though it was my heart at the onset of my career. I found it difficult to fully care for, love, and serve every player on my roster 24-person roster. So I had to be very intentional to create a program based on love and strong relationships.

Here are seven ways to make sure that every player on your team knows they are loved: 

1. Utilize the 10 minutes before and after practice to converse with whoever is there. 

Being generous with your time shows your team you want to give them more, even if you don’t get to deeply connect with every player every day. 

2. Address every player by name, every practice.

Names are key. Nicknames are even better. Just hearing their name will make them feel closer to you. 

3. Be generous with fist bumps and high fives. 

Students are craving the right kind of physical touch from their mentors. Even schools with low budgets can afford thousands of high fives throughout the year.

4. Empower coaching staff, volunteers, and leaders within the team to ensure every player is connected to the program

Build a leadership team out of 25% to 33% of your roster. Each player drafts 2-5 players to be their “guys” and commits to the following:

• Praying for them daily.

• Show one act of kindness weekly.

• Get a meal with them monthly.

5. Send two text messages every night after practice. 

One to praise a student who led in effort or attitude. One to the student who struggled and needs encouragement. The players will crave the text of positive praise and feel loved and seen if they were struggling that day. 

6. Use Food

Take every player out for a meal throughout the year. There are 32 weeks in an academic calendar so if you have a meal with a player weekly, there should be time. If your roster is too large, split it up with your assistant coach. 
 
One other idea that worked for me: I would prepare a pasta dinner for my players to bake in their apartments and deliver it along with a handwritten note to them around finals week in December. This was the same kind of pursuit I had when I was recruiting them to my college. The players were confused and shocked by the random act of kindness and labor of love, but this was my effort to win their heart so they would give their all for their team and not think about transferring. 

7. Ask the Father to lead you daily to the player who needs your attention. 

This is the only hope. Pray and listen. Letting God fill you up each day gives you the strength to persevere and have true eternal impact. 

If someone asked your players, “Does Coach care about you? Does Coach love you?” How would they answer? It is imperative for this generation of athletes to know they are loved. There is not a negative outcome from this. Not one. Decide how you want them to feel and then make a plan so they experience it.