“I just read your article about the 3 habits of Christian athletes and I wanted to reach out and ask for ideas on serving my team. I’ve been struggling recently about how to serve and love my team because I feel like I’m constantly judged for my faith. I was wondering if you had any creative ideas on how I could share and serve them without making things awkward?”

That was an email I received from a current student athlete. It’s always necessary to define terms before moving forward. The word awkward is loaded and could mean different things to different people. We need to define what “awkward” means in the context of living out our faith with our teammates and coaches. 

I think it means this: living out our faith in a way that others are unable to receive our friendship, service, and well meaning conversations because we violate basic social norms. 

What do I mean by basic social norms? Essentially knowing that there is a time and place where your teammates will best receive your acts of service and pursuit of them spiritually. When we violate that norm, knowingly or unknowingly, these can get awkward really quickly. Awkward people often lack the ability to “read the room.” They struggle with knowing the appropriate time to engage. 

Let’s start with a couple things we need to hold in tension with one another before we get to some practical tips.

1. I don’t think God wants us to be awkward.

2. Being a Christ follower inevitably makes us look different—and potentially awkward to others.

3. Our job is to not conform, but to do so in the least awkward way possible.

Christian athletes, the best thing you can do in this area is try your best not to be awkward. But at some level, our faith will cause us to look different because God calls us to not be conformed by the pattern of the world. To some teammates, you may always be viewed as “different.” That’s not necessarily a bad thing. And if you're cognizant of serving your teammates to the best of your ability in a non awkward way, it’s ultimately their issue if they continue to judge you negatively—not yours. 

How do you do this? By stacking together as many “non awkward” value-adding interactions with them as possible. It’s worth noting that the end goal is to be effective in our interactions with our teammates—not just attempt to avoid being weird. The list below is 7 ways to share and serve your teammates without making things awkward.

Encourage your teammates                          

It’s challenging to label someone as awkward if they are consistently finding ways to encourage and affirm you. Athletes have a unique advantage in this area from the rest of the population because our sport affords us endless opportunities to encourage one another. 

Here is a really simple way to win in this area. Make a note of what specific teammates did well at practice—things seen by everyone and things that maybe only you noticed. Sometime after practice is over, text them what you saw and encourage them. 

Who wouldn’t love a text like this from a teammate: 

“Hey________, just wanted to let you know I saw how hard you were working in practice today. The rest of us feed off of your energy. Great work and thanks for leading well!”

Or something as simple as:

“Great (play, rep, assist, steal, ect.) today!”

Encouraging texts like these do a couple things. One, they show value towards a fellow image bearer of God. Two, they serve as deposits into your teammate’s relational bank account. If you come across as awkward in the future, they may just give you a pass because you have invested enough affirmational deposits into the relationship to withstand the occasional credit that comes from being awkward.

Spend time with your teammates

When I was in college, I was committed to staying away from parties and avoiding a lifestyle I thought was displeasing to God. By doing so, I was labeled judgemental and standoffish. That wasn’t my intention, but my teammates didn’t care about my intentions—they wanted me to hang out with them and didn’t want to feel judged. 

And so I did. My junior and senior year I started going to parties. Most of the time I was the designated driver. But I would be there with my teammates. If they were doing something I didn’t want to do, I simply did not do it. They asked me to and most of the time, I politely declined. 

Many of my deepest conversations with my teammates came at a Saturday night party when they had a few too many drinks, let their guard down for a minute, and opened up about what was really going on in their lives. 

By spending time with them in “their” environment, I built trust. I was no longer the religious guy who was too good to show up to a party. I slowly became the religious guy with strong convictions but a high tolerance towards others who lived a lifestyle that he wouldn’t choose for himself. 

I’m definitely not saying you need to start partying with your teammates. But I am saying you might want to consider at least showing up to the places where they gather together. Jesus showed up at plenty of parties. Show up and build trust by spending time together. Laugh with them. Listen to them. Stick to your convictions without holding them to the same standards (unless they are Christians!). 

The fastest way to start a spiritual conversation with a teammate may just be showing up where they are and not talking about anything spiritual. Trust me, they know you want to talk about it. And once they trust you enough, they will probably be the one to bring it up in a conversation.

Disclaimer: Ignore this point if “showing up where your teammates are at” means putting yourself in a dangerous or compromising situation. Also, if you have a history of making bad decisions at certain events, it’s probably wise to not put yourself in those situations.

Stand up for your teammates

Again, if you want to get to a place where you can serve and share your faith with your teammates without being awkward, you need to earn their trust. They need to know that they are more than just a project for you. 

I’m not advocating for violence here. I’m advocating that when one of your teammates is the victim of injustice during competition, you stand between them and the perpetrator. 

Pray for your teammates

Praying for your teammates is probably the most obvious and effective way to open a door to share your faith with them. It’s also the one of the most neglected disciplines for Christian athletes. A prayer like the example given below takes less than 30 seconds.

“God, thank you that you care about the hearts of my teammates more than I do. Thank you that you know the parts of their story that they don’t even understand yet. Would you open up opportunities today for me to serve them in a way that they would receive it? Would you give them an opportunity to look past me and see you at work? God, give them soft hearts. Forgive them for past wrongdoing against me. Help them to see their need for you. Help them to see that sports will never satisfy the deep longings of their hearts. Amen.”

Committing to praying some version of that prayer every day for your teammates—or even individualizing it for specific teammates—might be the best use of your time each day. 

Pray for yourself 

Don’t forget to pray for yourself too. You’re more than just an instrument being used by God. Your story matters to him. Your pursuit of your teammates is part of God’s growth process for you too. Consider a prayer like this:

“God, I need your help. I don’t want to be viewed as judgemental or awkward by my teammates. Would you open my eyes to see how I can improve in these areas? Holy Spirit, would you give me discernment to know when to enter into a conversation with your truth and when to hold back? Would you help me see new ways to serve my teammates that I haven’t thought of? And Father through all of this, draw me closer to you. Help my reliance on you in this area of my life overflow into reliance on you in other areas as well. Help me to be faithful and let you take care of the fruit that comes from it. Amen.” 

Ask the right questions to your teammates

An effective way to share your faith with others in a way that they can receive it is to master the art of asking good questions. Jesus was amazing at this. Here are four ways to grow in this area:

1. Memorize good questions to ask. If you’re not naturally proficient at asking good questions, it’s perfectly okay to memorize the best ones. The ministry of Cru has an article titled 99 Wondering Questions that should put enough clay on the wheel to get you started. Find a few questions that you could ask (at a time when you're not breaking social norms!) a teammate and commit to listening to their response. Listen to hear and understand—don’t just listen to respond. 

2. Ask questions you want them to reciprocate back to you. If you heard a convicting sermon at church last weekend, ask your teammate how their weekend went. What did they do? Most people will reciprocate and ask “How about you”? This method can toe the line of being awkward so you need to be prepared with how you will respond. Sticking with the church example, I might respond with something like “My weekend was pretty good. **Share about a few things other than church**  I went to church yesterday and was convicted about what the pastor talked about.” Most people will be intrigued and ask what the pastor talked about. If they don’t, you don’t need to force it, just move on.

3. Become familiar with Perspective Cards. Again, this is another tool that can be really effective, or really awkward depending on how it’s introduced. The basic concept of the Perspective Cards is that they are organized into a few basic categories that will help people better understand their perspective on life. If you can find a way to do this with one teammate, oftentimes others will see what’s going on and be intrigued. Perspective Cards is also available as an app.

4. Soularium is another effective way to ask good questions. It’s similar to the Perspective Cards but uses a variety of images to help spark conversation. For example, one of the questions in the initial prompt is “Choose 1-2 images that best represent your view of God.” Then your teammate will choose from among 50ish images laid out in front of them. I have used both Perspective Cards and Soularium and found them both to be effective, non awkward ways to engage in spiritual conversations.

Remember that with asking good questions, your goal is to learn, not preach to them. Seeking to understand who they are, what they believe, and why they believe is a way to serve them by showing you care. Hopefully this paves the way for you to share what you believe, but you need to start by building trust.

Create space for your teammates to explore their faith

You will not change the current culture on your team by trying to change it. What I mean by that is that you will not alter the culture of your team by telling them to change the music in the weight room or imploring them to stop swearing in the locker room. Nor will you change the culture by telling teammates to stop partying or stop putting harmful substances into their bodies. The you-need-to-stop-that strategy has proved to be ineffective. 

The best way to change the culture on your team is to create a new culture. Notice that there’s a difference between trying to change the old or existing culture and creating an entirely new culture. The strategy shift is quite simple. Instead of serving as the morality police on your team, create new opportunities for them to think and act differently. Instead of walking into the darkness and saying, "Get out of here," shine a light on a better option. At some point, most everyone reaches a valley so low that they become starved for something that will satisfy. And many will be willing to try anything—even Jesus—at that point. So your role is to be ready to offer them something different when they are ready.

One of the best ways to create space for your teammates to learn and grow is through a Bible study. I’ve already put together a guide to help you know How to Lead a Team Bible Study.

Keep in mind, building a new culture doesn’t guarantee that people will come. That’s not your job anyway. 

God will always be the one who moves in people's hearts, spurring them to take action. Your responsibility and the way you will glorify God is to faithfully work at providing a space for them to move to when God gives them that nudge.

Most people want to talk about spiritual things

I’ve already said this multiple times. But it’s worth repeating: everyone has an opinion about matters of faith and in my experience, most people want to talk about it. They're just uncomfortable having those types of conversations in front of their peers. It’s no different than Nicodemus (John 3:1-22). He seemed to put up one front publicly to save face, but pursued Jesus in private because his curiosity ultimately got the best of him—and he did not want his peers to know what he was doing. 

Christian athlete, your teammates want to talk about things of eternity. Your role is to be faithful in building their trust, learning about them, looking for windows of opportunity, taking appropriate risks when you recognize those windows, and leaving the results to God.  

And you best position yourself to do this by stacking together as many “non awkward” value-adding interactions with them as possible.